Listen With Your Eyes
A very common trait of people impacted with ADD, is the challenge of listening. Heck, who’s kidding who, it’s a common trait with most people!! Maintaining interest is hard when the ability to focus or concentrate is not what it should be for a person.
I recall being younger and sitting in school, or participating in business meetings and wondering what had just been said over the past 2 minutes. At times, I felt like I had completely checked out of reality and physically gone some where on a mental vacation. That’s one of the up-hill battles in learning to manage ADD and I hope that what I’m about to share with you will be of benefit to you or someone you know who is challenged by ADD.
In my experience with ADD, I have done a lot to work through the challenges including medication, ADD coaching and various other efforts. All have been great and delivered wonderful results. I was recently reminded of one simple little action that allows me to focus when listening to a person speaking.
I coach my son’s hockey team and trying to get a large group of 7 year olds to focus and listen on the ice can be a big job. One of the other coaches who is very involved in the association with the kids said something to the kids, when a few of them were not paying attention. It reminded me of what I do to focus when I’m listening. He said “I want you to listen with your eyes”.
There were obviously a hand full of kids who thought that was pretty funny, however one 7 year old actually knew what the coach meant. The 7 year olds reply was, “it means I should look right in your eyes when you are talking coach!”. From that point on, you could see each of those kids looking at the coaches when we spoke.
The same holds true for adults with ADD. When you need to listen and focus on what someone is saying, look them straight in the eye. This action establishes a connection, helps to keep you focused and ultimately……makes you a better listener.
While a mental get away has its place and is OK on occasion, staying focused in a conversation and listening with your eyes allows you to avoid those moments when you realize………you have just taken that mental vacation, at the wrong time.
November 10th, 2007 at 5:19 am
Agreed that listening with your eyes can be very effective. Yet I feel frustrated when I look at someone in the eyes because I often get so caught up in their facial features or other random thoughts about how they look…that I miss what they are saying. It’s like I have to either look away and LISTEN to them OR look at them but not listen. When I’m looking at them, I understand their expressions and emotions and gestures. But it’s like I don’t hear the “message” or specific content of what they are saying. When I’m listening but not looking, I hear the specific content, but I don’t catch the body language and the emotion and subtle meanings behind it.
When I take my ADD meds, I do better, and listening and seeing come together a bit more. But dealing with the side effects of the meds is so hard that I often don’t take them.
Not sure how to reconcile this, as I’m a healthcare provider and I need to be able to listen and look at the same time. Suggestions welcome.
TGG