ADD Communication Behaviors
These are some common ADD/ADHD communication behaviors. I came across this list at http://www.addresources.org and really liked it.
Whether you are impacted by ADD or someone you communicate with is…………there are some pretty good points noted here that you just might be able to relate to.
• Not talking—often from preoccupation with internal thoughts, feelings, worries. we create intimacy by communicating with each other. Intimacy: “into-me-see”
• Impulsivity—can be a good thing because it is helpful to know where your partner really stands on issues, what their real thoughts and feelings are. Sometimes, poor impulse control can get the ADHD person in trouble over and over again—when you speak your mind at the wrong time. open mouth, insert foot. to control: breathe, think first, think slowly, then speak. One way ADHD people try to show their partner they are listening is to finish their sentences for them. Good intentions, but often leads to frustration.
• Subject changing—very common. Big problem. Because nothing ever gets resolved. neither partner feels heard, neither partner feels significant and neither partner knows how you got from point a to point z.
• Low self-esteem—after a lifetime of feeling criticized and ridiculed, defensive behavior results. Being told for years that you are not good enough creates a defensive way of communicating. feeling like you always have to defend yourself—whether or not anyone is accusing you of anything—you spend a lot of time and energy developing your case, so to speak. and, not nearly enough time listening to what your partner has to say.
• Pressured speech—rapid fire constant talking. Difficult for partner to get a word in edge wise. the need to get all the information out there, all at once for fear of forgetting something (especially common with the hyperactive/impulsive type). Often unaware of other person’s need in the conversation. Become monologue. Person with ADHD often thinks out loud. speaks what they are thinking. Serves the purpose of self-stimulation.
• Not remaining focused—not being present when partner is talking due to mind wandering/daydreaming. TV, computer, kids distract.
• Obsessive thinking—getting stuck in thinking to the exclusion of everything else (In the brain, it’s an overactive cingulate gyrus).
• Not receiving the intended message—misinterpreting comments, feeling attacked. ( in the brain, it’s the temporal lobe that is creating this problem). The brain can confuse incoming information.
• Brain melt-down—usually 1 of 2 things happen. Either a person can become totally stressed and the ADHD person shuts down, or the stimulation can prolong the conflict. both cause problems. a person has difficulty sorting through and taking in information. ADHD person walks away. best thing to do is to give space, physically and emotionally, to gather thoughts and regroup.
• Conflict-seeking behavior—stimulation seeking. “adrenaline junkie”—”i like to be angry, I feel good when I’m angry.” Not good for relationships.