Pills Don’t Teach Skills

To borrow the lyrics from Johnny Mercer’s hit, Accentuate The Positive which was #1 on the Billboard chart in 1945:

“You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium’s
Liable to walk upon the scene”

Don’t forget, there are a lot of great traits that come with ADD!!
1. Sensitive
2. Compassionate
3. Empathetic with the feelings of others
4. Feels things deeply
5. Doesn’t harbor resentment
6. Charming personality
7. Warmhearted
8. Good judge of character
9. Charismatic
10. Outgoing
11. Personable
12. Perceptually acute
13. Intuitive (when you miss out on stuff because you’re distracted, you learn to figure things out)
14. Observant (it seems like inattention, but it often is over attention)
15. Sees unique relationships between people and things
16. Looks past surface appearance to the core of people, situations, and issues
17. Visionaries
18. Dreamers
19. Visual
20. Fast thinking
21. Quick to grasp essentials
22. Insightful
23. Intuitive
24. Inquisitive
25. Imaginative
26. Innovative
27. Creative in nature (including: in problem solving)
28. Inventive
29. Flexible
30. Resourceful
31. Hardworking
32. Original
33. Mechanically inclined
34. Takes risks (sometimes this can be good)
35. Often sees things from a unique perspective
36. Great at finding things that are lost (of course, we get lots of practice looking for things)
37. Multi-talented
38. Humorous with a great sense of humor
39. Spontaneous
40. Fun
41. Fun-loving
42. Energetic
43. Enthusiastic
44. Athletic (we like to move around)
45. Less likely to get in a rut or go stale
46. Adaptable
47. More likely to do things because they want to than because they should
48. Wholehearted when making an effort
49. Optimistic
50. Open-minded
51. Trusting
52. Not secretive
53. Down to earth
54. Eager for acceptance and willing to work for it
55. Responsive to positive reinforcement
56. Quick if they like what they are doing
57. Intense when interested in something or someone
58. Difficult to fool
59. Loyal
60. Humble (it’s not hard when people are always telling you what’s wrong with you)
61. Resilient
62. Passionate
63. Tenacious

I stumbled across a blog called ThinkingWoman1 and a very interesting post, on the difference between narcissism and self-confidence. While you may or may not like many of the opinions expressed on this site (as I found), I did like the comparative differences between narcissism and self-confidence. Many people with ADD are impacted by narcissism, so this is a very relevant post and this blog has done a great job of capturing these differences.

“• Narcissism is all about self. Self-confidence is inclusive.
• Narcissism is about being better than………..Self-confidence is about being as good as you can possibly be and/or as good as everyone else.
• Narcissists want recognition and attention. Self-confident people want to do what they love and do it well.
• Narcissism is about entitlement. Self-confidence is about celebrating achievement.
• Narcissism is about projecting a false image. Self-confidence is about taking pride in what I know, what I have learned/studied and what I know I am good at.
• Narcissists lie. Self-confident people are goal-oriented and want to win but make no false promises.
• Narcissists repress their emotions/feelings. Self-confident people possess freedom of expression.
• Narcissists are manipulative. Self-confident people are persuasive.
• Narcissists are motivated by power and control. Self-confident people are motivated by achievement.
• Narcissists are obsessed about appearance. Self-confident people care more about their abilities.
• Narcissists care little for human values. Self-confident people value being human.
• Narcissists value material possessions. Self-confident people value experience.
• Narcissists value notoriety. Self-confident people value dignity. “

Sadly, I’ve come across a lot of people who don’t know the difference.

I’m having a second read of a book I love called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson. It a small book with 100 little tips or stories, to help us keep the little challenges in life from turning into big ones.

ADD’ers are often challenged by being very hyper-focused and can become obsessed with trying to make something perfect. It could be keeping the house clean, taking care of the yard, a project at work or many other things that we all experience in day to day life.

I really enjoyed re-reading Richard Carlson’s Simple Way #2, Make Peace with Imperfection:
“I’ve yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what’s wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what’s wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.”

Seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?

I’m a big fan of stand up comedy, and one of the all time greats in my opinion is Robin Williams. Last night I watched his most recent stand up show called Weapons of Self-Destruction on HBO. It was filmed at Constitution Hall in Washington DC. I think there were a couple times I was in tears, I was laughing so hard. This man is a stand up comic master.

Robin Williams also has ADD, which is obvious. Only an ADD’er could be as creatively gifted as this! During his stand up routine, Robin told one of the funniest ADD jokes I have ever heard. He was off on a comedic tirade about gymnastics and started discussing the palma horse. Interesting side story, palma is also spelled pommel by some international gymnastic organizations. Here is how the joke sounded by Robin Williams:
- And whats with the palma horse?
- He’s on, no he’s off, he’s on, no he’s off. Make up your mind!!
- Who invented this sport, a cowboy with ADD?

More proof, that ADD can be a very creative and comedic blessing.

Why is patience a virtue? Let’s break it down. By definition on Wikipedia, patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset. A virtue is a character trait or quality valued as being good.

With ADD, many people lack patience, rush into things, over react and are challenged by this state of endurance. If you or anyone you know is challenged by ADD, consider this; if we are able to be patient in so much of what we do, it will likely result in good things happening. Good could come in the form of building character, reacting well or being viewed by others as positive and strong. My message in this post is, I have worked hard and progressed a long way on the path of patience and good things are happening. Find ways to work around the challenges of ADD and practice patience, it is indeed a virtue.

For people with ADD, procrastination and how they move forward managing a task can be a challenge. Exercise has proven to deliver many physical, emotional, mental and over all health benefits. One of the key benefits also achieved, is the increased production of endorphins and dopamine.

So consider this; if we derive such benefits from endorphins and dopamine and one way to achieve this is exercise, does it not make sense to consider scheduling tasks we need to accomplish after exercise? Exercise can be a simple as an easy walk around the block or as much as a 10km run. Once our brains are stimulated by endorphins and dopamine, it starts to get those neurotransmitters firing. With that, we think clearer and naturally combat some of the challenges of ADD.

There are also some great food sources for dopamine including almonds, avocados, bananas, dairy products and lima beans. Give it some thought and maybe it might be worth a try to exercise, before you start on one of your tasks that need to be accomplished.

“Just Do It”, a classic advertising slogan from Nike. If you recall this advertising campaign, Nike empowered people all over the world to just get off their behinds and exercise, no matter what it was you wanted to do.

The same slogan could easily be applied to the world of ADD. Many people who are challenged with ADD procrastinate. As I posted previously, when an individual with ADD is challenged with a state of procrastination, ask yourself these three questions:
1. Am I being counter productive?
2. Could my actions or lack of, be considered needless?
3. Am I delaying?

If you answer yes to any of these, its time to just do it! By adopting the philosophy of just doing it, it motivates us to start a task. Getting it done helps us avoid a build up of tasks and it reduces the stress associated with accumulating tasks when we procrastinate. Re-shaping our mind or thought process around getting more aggressive regarding completing tasks will make life much easier. Don’t procrastinate, just do it!

I was talking this week with friends about their teenager being diagnosed with ADD and how they were managing the situation. A point of discussion during our conversation centered on how the teen is nervous about letting other people know, especially the teachers at school.

This immediately reminded me of a post I put up on this site on August 8th 2007 called “Coming Out of The Closet”. In that I touched base on my nervousness about telling others about ADD and how pleasantly surprised I was by peoples reactions……well, most people. There will always be a couple closed minded individuals out there and we are all better of without them anyway

Coming clean with the fact that you or someone close to you has ADD will only help improve a relationship or situation. In my friends case, they have a meeting with their child’s teacher soon and that will allow them to work together to strategize on ways to assist in managing ADD and ensuring the best educational experience and results are achieved.

We must keep the channels of communication open in all aspects of life, it makes a big difference and always takes you to a better place.

I posted this a couple years ago and revistited it with my coach Pate Quily today. I love this and wanted to share it again.
There are many ways to engage in self analysis, such as with counselors, personal coaches or just thinking. For me the simplest way was to develop a list of criteria by which I could reflect back on regularly and analyze my self with. Basically, a self grading system. Here is the list that I use every Sunday night for 10-15 minutes:

Avoiding Conflict – did I avoid conflict in certain situations? What could I have done better? What did I do well?
Fun – whatever I did, did I have fun? If not, why?
Problems – what problems did I encounter and how did these occur? How can they be avoided?
Value – What value did I offer in particular situations, actions or conversations?
Win-Win – What situations was I involved in where my efforts could have been better and benefited all?
Patience – Did I lack patience in a particular experience? Where did I show patience successfully?
Intimacy – Did I allow myself to communicate and open up in intimate situations, letting someone else get what they needed from me?
Defensiveness – was I defensive or over reactive in any situations? If yes, why?
Dealing with Change – What changed? Why did it change? How did I handle it?
Familiarity – Is my familiarity crossing the line of complacency? Is it OK or do I need to shake it up a bit?
Balance – is my life balanced? If not, what needs to change?
Kindness – did I perform any acts of kindness? Could I have been kinder in a situation?
Laughter – was I laughing? If not, why not?!
Disorganization – how was my organization and structure recently?
Telling myself the Truth – was I kidding myself and not being honest with a decision I had to make?
Hard times – how did I react? Good? Bad?
Thoughtfulness – what thoughtful actions or comments did I experience? Was it me? Was it someone else?
Rewarding Ourselves – what is my reward for doing something well?
Being Spontaneous – did I loosen up and just roll with it, live on the edge a little?
Celebration – did I take any time to celebrate what I have in my life and appreciate my surroundings?

It only takes a few minutes to sit and think through this list. However, that time is an educational thinking process that helps to determine my direction and actions for the coming week. It makes me aware and alert of all the criteria by which I measure myself.

Humans have the capacity to learn and retain new information. This is also true for people with ADD, trust me…I know!

Learning through repetition or habit is medically referred to as declarative learning. Declarative learning and memory is based on memorization, which can be accomplished with repetition. Through repetition, certain tasks over a period of time can be accomplished and the process or outcome is learned. For people with ADD, the repetition of performing a task or certain steps teaches us and it becomes a habit.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, the repetition of things like reminding myself to stay calm, to consider others feelings or to focus on tasks as examples, becomes engrained in our brains. Our brains have that ability to absorb and learn, its just a different process when people are challenged by ADD.

I find repetition is best accomplished through setting reminders in my Outlook calendar, which also synchronizes to my Blackberry. With constant reminders set, the learning and memory retention flourishes in the right environment. Give it a try, in this case…..repeating yourself is good.